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Thought Leadership

She’s the Boss: Mistakes Learned From Working With My Husband

We knew each other professionally, before we got involved romantically. We’ve steadily worked side by side during our marriage. Steve directed the agency, while I worked in the trenches.

In 2009, our roles reversed. Steve now works in my business. Since he’s spent the majority of his career in a leadership position, he’s happy to work in a more supportive role.

She’s the Boss

The American Express 2017 report claims that women entrepreneurs brought in $1.7 trillion in sales. Basically, the wife runs the company for 11.6 million businesses in the United States. And, nine million people work in women-owned companies.

Mom and pop businesses are the backbone of our country’s economy. However, it’s no longer business as usual. Many women refuse to stand in the shadows of their husbands. In fact, some very smart men now fill the support position, at home and at work.

Often, couples that work in the same business have complimentary skill sets. Maybe, he’s the marketing and sales guy while she’s the tax and accounting advisor. When that’s the case, there’s minimal overlap. In fact, you’re relieved he can do those things for your firm.

The Mistake I Made

Finding the right role for Steve has been trial and error. That’s because we share similar skill sets. Our specialties, however, are highly complementary. He’s a communication and relationship expert. I focus on pricing and business development.

In the beginning, I wore all the hats. Asking Steve to take over the tasks that I didn’t enjoy was my first mistake. He took them on because he wanted to be helpful, but he didn’t enjoy them either. That strategy didn’t work out.

Because I’m often on the road, we’ve swapped roles at home. He’s taken over most of the household responsibilities. That’s been a significant relief. (It wasn’t too difficult to give up.)

Not all husbands can work for their wives. But, if you’re the exceptional few, then the benefits of working together far outweigh the negatives.

  • Trust. We all need a confidante. Even King Arthur had a roundtable. I’m comfortable being vulnerable with him.
  • Input. We don’t always see things eye to eye. Therefore, I often run options by him before making a final decision.
  • Feedback. Sometimes, I’m too close to the process. His input makes me aware of different aspects that I wouldn’t notice on my own.
  • Fun. We enjoy working together. Traveling together is a bonus.
  • Skill set. Since we share similar coaching skills, how do we differ? He now teaches communication, relationship and leadership skills to our coaching clients, especially for the couples in business together.

And, yes, sometimes we disagree on things, or my instructions are too vague.

Our role reversal has added a new dimension to our marriage. I’ve learned things about myself because of this change in responsibilities.

You’ll eventually experience some similar challenges, too.

  • How clearly do you explain your expectations?
  • Does your husband prefer detailed instructions?
  • Are you utilizing his strengths, or is he simply filling a position?
  • Do his mistakes become learning opportunities or arguments?
  • Are you a control freak and stifling him?

Don’t expect your business partnership to fix your marital issues. Communication and trust are the #1 reasons for your husband to eventually call it quits and work somewhere else. Working together and living together can get messy.

A Resource for the Daily Challenges

Being at the top can feel lonely, especially when complex challenges arise. That’s why Steve’s my go-to person.

As my CSO (Chief Support Office), he listens to new ideas, shares his perspective on how to deal with tough problems and discusses business growth strategies.

Sometimes, all that’s necessary is an attentive ear. As I talk it out, I figure out what’s really going on and how I feel about it. Other times, Steve and I work out a solution together.

Although we talk shop on a daily basis, we also meet weekly. Our weekly meetings focus primarily on “the BIG picture.” We review what’s working in the business and progress on the business.

Several times per year, we’ll schedule a strategic growth retreat. Sometimes, we’ll attend a workshop. Other times, we’ll go away for a long weekend to update our growth plan. Getting away lets us accomplish more since the day-to-day distractions are eliminated.

A daily review before dinner gives us closure. If an idea occurs later in the evening, then we’ll discuss it. So, we’re okay flexing our rule about no shop talk after dinner.

Learn to Listen

Although I’m the boss, I do my best to keep an open mind. I don’t know it all. And, I don’t want to know it all.

I value Steve’s ideas. His perspective is different from mine. I appreciate the “aha” insights that develop during our conversations. During one specific occasion, his contribution changed the entire course of my business.

An Unexpected Benefit

I frequently travel to speak at conferences. Whenever possible, Steve joins me. While he’s navigating the roads, I’m on phone meetings or making last minute updates to my presentation.

As my CSO, Steve manages all the venue details. Once he’s satisfied with everything, he’ll meet people and network in the room.

After my presentation is over, he’s by my side answering questions, setting up appointments and managing back of the room sales. He keeps things running smoothly. This allows me to fully focus on my presentation and post-discussions.

Sometimes, we’ll build an extra day or two onto our trip, especially if it’s a destination location. It’s a way to combine work and play.

Hiring your husband can strengthen your relationship and grow your business. As a strategic partner, he’s available to discuss ideas and resolve challenges. Yes, you’re the boss. On the other hand, he’s fully committed to your success.


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