How do i get my money out this weird ass account

Hi Ladyrealsweet, I understand your frustration. To make sure I give you the right information, are you having challenges transferring money from your QuickBooks Checking/Money account to your external bank, or is this regarding a payment (money) currently processing within your QuickBooks Payments account?
 

If your money is currently in an Envelope, you must move it to your main QuickBooks Checking balance before you can send it to your external bank.

Here's how you can do it within QuickBooks money account:
 

1. From Banking, then select the Envelope you want to take money out of.
2. Select Transfer money, then Transfer out.
3. Enter the amount. In the From field, ensure the correct envelope is selected.
4. In the To field, select QuickBooks Checking.
5. Select Next, then Finish transfer.

Check out this article for more details on transferring money through your QuickBooks Online account: Create envelopes to set your funds aside.

Here's how to transfer money from QuickBooks Checking to your external bank:
 

1. Go to Lending (or All Apps), then select QuickBooks Checking.
2. Click Transfer, then hit Transfer money.
3. Enter the amount you want to move.
4. In the From dropdown, select your QuickBooks Checking account.
5. In the To dropdown, select your connected external bank account. Select Next, then Finish transfer.
    

Please know that Standard transfers to an external bank usually take 3–5 business days. You check this article to answer most of your questions about the process: QuickBooks Checking FAQ.

If the money is still processing in your Payments account, the timing depends on your deposit speed. If it's your first time processing payments it will take 5 business days to review while QuickBooks sets everything up. You can check other reasons for delays here: Why is my batch deposit delayed or suspended?

Please don't hesitate to leave us a response if you have other questions or concerns.

Hi, @ladyrealsweet 

Just checking in to see if the solution we shared worked for you.

Please let us know if everything is now working smoothly or if you're still experiencing any challenges.

We'll be glad to assist further if needed.