Why does it take Intuit Payment Solutions SO long to transfer money into my bank account? I keep getting told the pmt will be batched this eve, but nothing! What gives?!

I hear you on this, @DasPackMule.

Generally, if a customer made a payment through a credit card, it takes 1-2 business days to reach your bank. However, bank transfers (ACH) payments can take 2-7 business days. 

When you’re new to QuickBooks Payments, the initial batch of all the payments you processed in a day will be delayed up to 5 business days. These also vary depending on the following factors:

• Time of day you enter transactions.
• Weekends and federal holidays.
• Financial institution where transactions are deposited.
• How long it takes for your bank to verify and process electronic deposits.
• The customer submitting incorrect ACH information.
• The customer disputes/stops an ACH payment.
• The merchant makes changes to their bank account without notifying QuickBooks. 
• Credit card payments with issues that are part of the same batch as ACH payments.

To check your current deposit speed, you can follow these steps:

1. Go to Settings and select Account and Settings.
2. Select the Payments tab.
3. Review the Deposit Speed section.

If the payment is still not deposited within the given length of time, I recommend checking your payment status in the Merchant Service Center. Here you will find the current status of your payments according to the information which has been provided to QuickBooks. For the steps, please go to Step 2: Check the status of deposits and specific customer payments in the following article: Find out when QuickBooks Payments deposits your money. Also, you can find more information on the payment processes at this link. 

If you have other concerns, please add them to your reply below. I'm here to help.